


Just What Exactly Were They Expecting?

by BlackIce_K1lls



Category: No Straight Roads (Video Game)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, My First Work in This Fandom, Pain, Realistic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27683594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackIce_K1lls/pseuds/BlackIce_K1lls
Summary: NSR but with more realistic reactions to the boss fights. I made this at like 2 to 4 in the morning be proud.
Relationships: Mayday & Zuke (No Straight Roads)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	Just What Exactly Were They Expecting?

**Author's Note:**

> No beta we die like men

"This is starting to be a bad idea." B2J stared as the club around them started to morph into whatever the frick this was. Then again, they did just barge into a concert without a plan, so what did they expect.

A fight was an order but not like this. Definitely not like this!

Mayday was screaming her lungs out dodging the rapidly orbiting planets, giving them a good kick before dashing off again. Zuke was still trying to figure out the transformables, while also grabbing leftover notes and chucking them at what eldritch abomination DJ 10-syllable-name was.

It eventually got to a point where the action finally slowed and they could just talk. They breathed a sigh of relief.

"I didn't know people could get that big. Do people usually get that big?"

Zuke leaned on his drumsticks, winded. "I don't… think… so… Hoo…"

Mayday turned to DJ Space Cthulhu. "Is that a mini Earth?"

Zuke squinted. "What are you gonna do with that?"

Pointing down at the model, the DJ pressed his finger down and then a giant one came from the sky. It touched him lightly on the head and made his arms all wavy and his entire being huge.

Mayday threw her hands up. "Is that- IS THAT EVEN SCIENTIFICALLY POSSIBLE?"

Yeah, this was a bad idea.

-

Kliff was a red flag from the moment she met him. Thing is is that the man would not stop texting her, so Mayday could only go to the bastard and hope that Zuke could hold her back enough for Kliff to get the message.

The man was an even bigger red flag when he mentioned that he KNEW where they lived.

Now, they've got a creepy man in their home, telling them about some other star they gotta fight. Some cutesy mermaid or whatever. Zuke had a feeling that this man would not leave until NSR was taken down. Mayday was very tempted just to knock the man out and leave him in a dumpster.

-

"One, two, three, pyun~!"

Mayday merely blinked at the mermaid. "Oh no she's cute. I wanna pinch her cheeks. "

Zuke groaned. "All that platforming and beat bots for MORE platforming and beat bots?"

He gestured to literally everywhere. "Where even are we? Are we in a computer? Behind the scenes stuff? How are you FLOATING? How are these platforms floating?"

Eventually they made it through alive. Barely. Between falling off the platforms and attacks that just came out of nowhere("WHY WOULD A MERMAID HAVE ATTACK PATTERNS?), B2J were genuinely drained from running around so much. Now they had to fight the REVERSE MERMAID.

Thank whoever is behind SAYU because the last few minutes have been stress and anxiety inducing.

Mayday broke a few laws of physics jumping, stopping momentarily. "On second thought, how do you guys draw up her designs so fast, what with rigging and recording and syncing up the different files to each other."

Then a projectile hit her in the face.

By the end of the fight, they pretty much hated how much their bodies were in pain. Climbing into the giant robot thing was also so very very painful. Mayday couldn't even laugh maniacally as she unplugged SAYU.

2nd NSRtist, done. Next priority, hospital.

-

"This still seems like a very bad idea." Zuke held up one of the notes.

"What are you talking about?"

Mayday joined in, reading the basic information of the next artist. "I mean, she's 9."

Kliff tilted his head. "So?"

"So? She's  _ 9 _ . Isn't it a little morally dubious to fight a 9 year old?" Zuke pointed at her picture.

Kliff scoffed. "It’s all in the name of rock." Then he left the room.

Mayday and Zuke exchanged glances at each other. Mayday sighed. "He's not leaving unless we fight her, is he?"

-

Why do all of the artists have attack patterns? Because the fricking 9 year old does apparently.

Both members hesitated at the steps. Mayday made an unsure expression. "I really don't want to fight her."

"Ugh, Kliff's not leaving until we do so we might as well get this over with. We'll just… give the records back."

Mayday looked at Zuke then screamed into her hands. "Fine."

Running as fast as she could, she raised her guitar high and a giant freaking hand picked up the piano..? What. 

No time to question the logic of that, B2J made quick work of just surviving long enough so that they could go home. That wasn’t going to happen any time soon, as the rest of what was connected to that giant hand came out.

"HOLY FRICK THAT'S YOUR MOM?"

"Never thought I'd see, a lady turn to be, a giant woman. A giant woman!" 

Mayday's phone beeped.  _ Did I neglect to tell you that? _

She throttled her phone. "Neglect? NEGLECT? I'LL NEGLECT YOU, YOU STUPID A-"

Then two notes slammed into their already battered bodies because of that reference. Mayday started chucking notes and attempting to parry Yinu's attacks but was mostly trying not to fricking die. Zuke was busy with the transformables and also getting hit in the face with those giant facking notes.

The concert hall then started collapsing and yeah, this was a horrible idea.

Mayday tilted her head up. "She's getting bigger."

Zuke started backing up. "Really big."

Okay, this was the worst idea they've ever gone with. It didn't help that the dubstep replacing the classical music was deafening nor did the mother becoming more monstrous and huge. It really didn't help either when, well.

"Did she just turn herself INTO A CAGE!?"

Those weird piano steppy things for the strings should've probably broken any bone it hit but miraculously, it did not. Eventually, and I do mean eventually, they almost did their whole bunka junka spiel when the rose that they were standing on broke open and did not kill them.

Actually, a lot of things recently weren’t killing them. Climbing up the rose wasn’t all that hard, but smashing the piano was. She was 9 for frick's sake. The fall did not kill them, or Yinu for that matter(thank whoever is looking down on their misery), but the piano did not survive.

"How… are we… not dead?"

Zuke and Mayday leaned on each other, ready to just take whatever the mother threw and them because, honestly? They probably deserve it. Instead, the mother played the piano with her child and the band left once more.

-

"Okay, so I know that fighting a 9 year old is a bad idea because she's a kid but…"

Kliff glared at Zuke. "But what?"

"I don't think fighting a war vet is a good idea. I'd rather not get completely annihilated."

"That’s why you're fighting them on their limo." Kliff pulled up a convenient photo of said really big limo.

"I'm on Zuke with this one. They're hot too." She stared at the profile picture. 

"Look, their manager was from the Navy part of the Border Wars. They're in the air, so they'll be at a disadvantage."

Zuke set his head down. "You're still not leaving until we do this too, are you?"

"Nope."

-

"How does anyone get anything to ANYONE when they've got 5 million levels of security with MOVING PLATFORMS?" Mayday yelled as Zuke tried to stop his vertigo.

"They were moving so fast… with  _ guns _ ."

Mayday held her head. "Kliff is so gonna fracking die when we're done."

They busted down the doors and rushed to the robots. Dancing in sync, the white one did the whole flirty thing with Mayday, while the rest of the band backed him up.

Mayday raised an eyebrow. "Have you guys been dancing in place there this whole time? I mean you're hot but shouldn't you be  _ inside _ the limo?"

"Yeah, this seems kinda dangerous for a tour. You guys don't even play danger music."

The group sputtered then recovered. The white one started again. "Well, haters gonna hate." And blah blah, you know the rest if you're reading this.

"Okay," Zuke turned to Mayday. "Be ready for any-"

A laser beam hit him square in the face in sync with some guy's orders, wherever they were coming from. Another round of commands when by, with Mayday near dodging what was something dangerous.

They did get one bot down, the red one I think, and then a giant floating whatever metal thing showed up, with some cyborg guy on top of it. You know the deal, the whole military speech about flags and intruders with Operation: Party All Night~!

Mayday ripped her phone out, haphazardly calling Kliff about the war vet on a factory.  _ Oh yeah, he has a factory to replace a 1010 member when they go down. _

"AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO TELL US THAT?" She ducked under a laser beam.

"May!" Zuke pointed up.

"THEY CAN FLY?"

"This guy commanding them has some cool autotune."

"Zuke!"

"Sorry."

Mayday turned back to her call. "I will break your kneecaps when we get back."

So they did the whole standard boss fight, still not dying but still not aliving. When it got to the point where the band's faces singed off, it just turned into a game of just endurance because the robots did explode from the screams of their fans. But now…

"I think we're done-" Neon J's robot factory starts dancing. "Nope nevermind. Army robot factory is dancing."

"Wait. Did he say ALL KILL protocol?"

They split when real fecking  _ saw _ blades started gunning for them, along with grenades, those weird police baton things, and fracking missiles. I think he's out to ice them off the map.

"Look, I know he's a war vet and that carries some serious PTSD and stuff but I didn't expect to fight a giant factory with hot sailor bots and-" Mayday stopped to take out and yell at her phone. "KLIFF! WE ARE SO KILLING YOU WHEN WE GET BACK."

Zuke started panic singing. "I knew that this would happen. Why does this always happen? I think I'm gonna have breakDOWN, BREAKDOWN."

They did get to do the Bunka Junka Shakalaka whatever at the expense of shaving 10 years of their lives. They leaned on each other and just really took a breather, you know? Mayday gripped her phone, mostly ignoring Neon J's speech and walking away with Zuke.

"We should not have survived that." She pointed back at the cyborg. "Ya hear me? We may have won in a battle, but you guys are winning the war! Frack, we can't keep doing this…"

-

"We have to fight your ex." Despite needing to get a doctor's check up, Kliff was still here, struggling to hold his notes.

"Hey May."

"Yeah?"

"Punch him."

-

Bed Bunk Junction was tired. So very tired. By the time they got to Eve, Zuke just layed down on the floor face down in the middle of her speech. Mayday followed by sitting cross legged.

Eve scoffed and made her way over to the two. "Aren't you going to fight me? Like you did with the others?"

Mayday sighed. "In a minute."

Even shrugged. "I'll wait."

30 minutes later…

Eve played with her phone.

6 minutes later…

Mayday looked her up and down. "You're hot."

15 minutes later…

Zuke yawned.

10 minutes later...

"How frick can you jump through paintings." 

Eve stopped mid dance. "I actually don't know." 

Mayday threw her hands up. "Better than the other nonexistent answers we've got. C'mon we don't have all day; keep fighting."

12 minutes later…

"You sure you don't want to skip to the next phase? We could be here forever."

Mayday gasped. "Go ahead. Please. We're tired."

3 minutes later…

Albeit separated, Mayday and Zuke stared at the giant hands and feet coming from the paintings.

"What?" Eve asked. "Can you not understand it?"

Mayday gulped. "Actually nah. This has been the second least weirdest thing yet."

Zuke pointed up. "Between the noodle armed space elder god and dancing robot factory, this is the second most normal it's gotten."

"Huh."

20 seconds later…

"What do ya mean she's done this before?"

5 minutes later…

"..." Eve just stared at the two very very tired musicians, shifting her head slightly every few seconds. "What's the most normal thing you've gone through today then?"

30 seconds later…

"Yeah, I suppose setting someone's hair on fire was a bit much. Sorry for trying to use you to complete me."

Zuke punched his nose. "And sorry for running away without explanation. I was a coward." He held his hand out. "Friends?"

She hesitated for only a second, before taking his hand. "Friends."

-

Instead of listening to Kliff, Zuke grabbed the notes and Mayday kicked the man in the shins. Then they left.

-

"Ah… you're back. I suppose you're here to-"

"Look Tatiana, it’s been a long 12 hours and honestly, I can't even care anymore. There was this guy named Kliff and he was a pain. Pretty sure the hospital bills are gonna be expensive even with our Healthcare prices." Mayday was exasperated but continued.

"Your artists are so fecking brutal to fight. Why- why- Why do they have attack patterns? Just why. How- why- where did they come from? Just how. Amd if I'm guessing correctly, I take it that one genre can't power a whole city. That's like powering a toy with 1 AA battery. Honestly, how has no one thought that more than one genre can probably fix the blackout issue? Is it because of..."

She kept rambling and Tatiana stared. Zuke stepped up with the 5 platinum discs and handed them over. "Just take them. We didn't even want to do this. We fought a 9 year old. Felt bad on the inside. Fought a war veteran. Felt bad on the outside. Kinda fought my ex. It wasn't as bad. Just allow a range of music to power the city, not just EDM. I want to go to sleep."

Surprising the next day, Tatiana came out with an announcement about the whole thing. Blah blah blah, you know the ending already.

Vinyl City becomes a melting pot of music for all tastes to enjoy.

Oh, and Kliff breaks his nose.

The end!

**Author's Note:**

> There was gonna be a scene where Mayday just stops the 1010 fight to complain about the real weapons 1010 have/are and her feeling pity for the white bot not having one. Didn't fit the fight though so :p.
> 
> I gotta different work in this fandom I'm working on.


End file.
